Even The Smallest Starr Shines
by WatchMeBurn-HearMeCry
Summary: Starr Buchanan never had the perfect life, her mom died when she was ten and her dad was never home leaving her with her older brother Dom, but her friend James Diamond helped her pull through. summery sucks, better then sounds! 1-21-11 ON HIATUS!
1. Introduction

Starr Buchanan Chronicles

Introduction

'That which doesn't kill us, makes us that much stronger' –Fredrich Nietzche.

Everyone has heard that quote sometime in their life because of how famous it is and how true it is. What doesn't kill us just makes us a hell of a lot stronger.

I learned that at an early age.

My dad is in the Military. He is a U.S Marine. But he used to be a cop. He was never home so I spent most of my time with my brother Dom. Well, his name is Dominic, but we all call him Dom. My mom always had to work so she was never home, Dom practically raised me at eleven and he is by far the coolest big brother out there.

Well, my mom did work all time, until my dad got shot. It was just a routine thing, a car was speeding, he pulled them over, and when he went to talk to the driver, he was welcomed with a gun that shot him. After he hit the ground the driver sped off.

The bullet hit him in the chest and got lodged in one of his lungs, but Nathan Buchanan, my father is a fighter, he fought hard and survived getting shot. I was eight when this happened and an officer coming to your second grade class to get you because your dad just got shot is not a thing you want to happen. One of my dad's colleagues or fellow officers came to my class, I remember it like yesterday.

He just walked in right when Mrs. Hanson was letting us out to recess. I was talking to my friend James by my desk (I will tell you more about him later) when he walked over with Mrs. Hanson. I recognized him as someone my dad worked with before and someone we have had over for dinner once. One of his 'cop buddies' as Dom said it. I didn't know what he was doing there so I kind of stared as James was telling me about the last night's new episode of SpongeBob Squarepants.

Anyway, the officer walked over and said that he needed to speak to me alone. I was really confused, the only thing on my mind was, oh god, what new stupid thing did Dom do. So I walked off with him and he told me that my mom and Dom were at the hospital and I needed to be there. I was really confused so I was like 'why do I need to be there?' he then told me my dad was admitted and my mom asked him to come get me from school.

The whole ride there in his squad car I was silent as I sat in the backseat while he drove. I was wondering what had happened. But when we got there, and I was with my mom and Dom, I saw what critical condition my dad was in. he looked awful. But who doesn't when they get shot in the lung and just had major surgery to repair the damage.

But my dad pulled through, Nathan Buchanan wont give up on anything.

I was ten when my mom was killed.

Yeah, I said killed. When you have a dad for cop, he always has enemies. It was an assassination attempt on him. but who would try to assassinate a patrol officer you may ask. Well, after getting shot, my dad moved over to forensics unit. He became a 'Horatio Caine' as some would say. So, he put away a lot of people with that job and some weren't happy about that. one especially.

Walter Desmond was his name. Madison, Minnesota was a small town, so not much he could do there, so he worked a few towns over at a bigger city. Granite Falls.

Walter Desmond was a serial rapist on the streets of Granite Falls. My dad worked long and hard on putting that case together for almost year. So when their was finally enough evidence, he made sure he was there and was the arresting officer.

As soon as Walter got out on bail, he and his buds decided to get payback on my dad. So, our house was shot at in a drive by shooting. My mom had the day off, Dom was at work and I was at school when it happened. Hundreds of bullets were fired at my house and mom just so happened to be in the front room near the front door when it happened. It only took one bullet to kill her. it was a headshot. No one can really survive getting shot in the head. They always play that out on TV where people can get shot there and live like Eric Delko on CSI Miami or Michael Corinthos III on General Hospital. But anyway, the bullets continued because the gun was an automatic weapon and she was shot five more times.

Dom came home first that day to see a bunch of people and cops in front of our house. He called my dad and my dad got there and freaked. He immediately felt guilty because it was an attempt to kill him. then he thought what if it was me or Dom who got shot and killed. He then decided to go back to patrol. He did not want to risk Dom and I's lives.

After her funeral was when Dom joined the military. He trained hard for a year before he was deployed to Iraq. It was hard to see him go, he was who I was closest to, besides my friends James and Karly. (again, I will get to them later). My dad still worked all the time, it was his way with dealing of mom's death. he wouldn't stop blaming himself, so I was home alone all the time.

After two whole years of Dom being overseas, my dad got that dreadful phone call. There had been a bombing and shootout and Dom was injured. He wasn't dead, but he was severely hurt. He was close to the bomb and the blast knocked him really far away, his spinal cord was crushed. He was paralyzed from the waist down.

My dad blamed himself of course, just like when mom died. He pulled away from us again. As soon as Dom could come home, my dad did the only thing he could think of doing to make himself feel better about it.

He joined the military and a year later was deployed.

And ever since, he has been over in Iraq fighting, leaving me to stay with Dom who was confined to a wheelchair. He won't say it, but I don't think he can stand to look at me anymore. I look so much like my mom. I am a constant reminder of who he got killed. But Dom doesn't see me that way. He still sees me as the little sister he loves.

That quote I mentioned before, the 'what doesn't kill us makes us that much stronger' one, that I couldn't do alone. I couldn't be strong on my own when my dad got shot, or my mom died and when Dom was forced to be in a wheelchair. I have some pretty amazing friends.

When you grow up in a small town like Madison in Minnesota like I did, you literally have friends that you have literally known since kindergarten and have been extremely close to. No matter how cliché it sounds, it is ironically true.

My bestest friend in the whole world is Karly Tisdale. We met on the first day of kindergarten and we both found out we loved Hilary Duff or Lizzie McGuire. So, as kindergarteners, that's literally what made us close friends.

But the closest friend I have. That is James. James Diamond. We met when he moved to Madison mid year in kindergarten. He moved from Florida to Minnesota so he was not used to the winter weather at all. He had not seen snow before and lets just say, some first graders thought pelting him with snowballs packed with rock would be a great way to 'welcome' him. but, Karly can be VERY viscous sometimes, so she really scared those first graders away after she was all up in their face being 'Karly,' as I would say. James was thankful for that. who wouldn't be though, I don't think anyone would love to be attacked by first graders with rocky snowballs. It sounds very painful.

So anyway, after that, James just stuck with Karly and I. The three of us just clicked. It was good for his safety because some people were afraid of Karly. If I wasn't her friend back then, I personally would be afraid of her too.

Anyway, going through those tough times, I always had a friend by my side, whether it was Karly or James.

I was in shock after I found out my mom died. I never got to say goodbye and to hear she was killed in a hail of bullets and even see the outside of what was left of our house, that was just to much. I kept it bottled up inside and just went around not saying anything until her funeral. I sat in the front with Dom to my right. James and Karly were to my left. Dom gripped my right hand while James had my left gripped in his. They both knew how hard this was for me. Losing your mom in a bloody drive by shooting isn't easy.

Right after my dad went up there to say some words, I broke down for the first time. I just completely broke down. I started sobbing and everyone stared at me because I was crying loud. I then got up and kicked off my fancy black Mary-Jane shoes and I just sprinted out of the graveyard. I couldn't be there. I didn't know where I was going I just ran. I heard my dad, Dom and other voices screaming my name, but I didn't stop. I just needed to get out of there if you know what I mean.

I made it to the town park when I finally stopped running. I leaned down against a tree let the tears flow from my eyes. My mom used to always say tears were the words that your heart could say. As soon as I remembered that, I started sobbing harder. Its like I could hear her voice in my ear.

We weren't as close as me and Dom were, but still, I felt like my world was crashing down. us girls, we look up to our mothers. We see them as role models. Who we want to be when we grow up. our hero's. you know. They are our female influences. They inspire us to do good in everything we do, and I just lost mine. She died a violent death. it didn't matter that we didn't have the perfect mother daughter relationship that most girls have with their mothers like Karly and her mom Leslie.

As I continued to sob by the tree I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up expecting to see Dom, but instead, James was there. I expected him to try to get me to go back to the funeral. But instead, he just sat down next to me against the tree and stayed with me until I stopped crying and Dom came and found us with Karly.

Earlier, before my mom died, when my dad got shot, James was there for me also. He would do anything to get me to laugh and would cheer me up when I was freaking out if I heard from Dom or my mom that he wasn't doing well in the hospital.

Even when Dom was confined to his wheelchair, James was there for me along with Karly. They didn't leave my side once when I was hurting about that or crying and since then, they have just proved their loyalty to me more.

But once we hit middle school, Karly, James and I weren't as close as we used to be. Well, Karly and I were, but James made some new friends, I guess he was just sick of hanging around us girls all the time. So he started hanging out with three other guys, Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia and Logan Mitchell. Logan and Carlos are still his friends, they hang out every once in a while, but, James and Kendall started hanging out with Karly and me, and that caused Karly to devolope a HUGE crush on Kendall. She has it bad for him.

Carlos and Logan, they seemed nice, and I kind of think of them as friends now. But I am not nearly as close to them as I am James. Its like we have this bond. It's so hard to explain, I don't know how to even start. But James is always there for me no matter what. I can really count on him. and I can also really count on Karly.

So anyways, my name is Starr Buchanan and my story begins October 1, 2010.


	2. Innocence

Chapter 1

_'waking up I see that everything is ok, the first time in my life and now its so great, slowing down, look around and I am so amazed, I think about the little things that make life great, I wouldn't change a thing about it,' –Avril Lavigne, Innocence_

I walked toward the front door of my house in blue jeans, black converse and a tan tank top and a gray cardigan over it with my forest green schoolbook bag at my side. As much as I hated Monday's, I knew better then to try to sleep past my alarm or to take forever getting ready for school. Dom would freak if I didn't go to school on time. And just because he is in a wheelchair doesn't mean he can be vicious sometimes. (but, no way he is as vicious as Karly was back then) but he's Dom, my older brother and I will always love him.

"Dom, I'm leaving for school," I yelled out as I made my way to the front door of our house to leave for school.

"Starr, wait a second," Dom's voice called from the kitchen.

I stopped a few yards away from the door and turned around as Dom wheeled himself in from the kitchen.

"outfit check," he told me.

"Dom, I'm fifteen," I said annoyed.

"Starr," Dom said "I am your older brother, and legally responsible for you,"

I rolled my eyes as I did a quick spin for Dom showing him that my outfit was school appropriate, not low cut, and not a lot of skin showing.

"you happy?" I asked him.

"yeah," Dom answered me. "go ahead and leave,"

I turned toward the front door when I heard his voice.

"Starr, Wait,"

I turned around again and faced my older brother again.

"yeah,"

"are you walking to school alone?" Dom asked me.

I looked at him a little nervous. My blue eyes meeting his brown ones. I knew he didn't want me going outside alone let alone walk to school by myself. Why? Three words.

The Madison Strangler.

He was a serial killer in Madison and the surrounding area. He killed four teenage girls and he did strike again last Friday night. But, I knew Dom was way overreacting. The Madison Strangler was only after brunettes aged sixteen through nineteen. I was a dirty blonde and I am only fifteen.

But Dom didn't see it that way, he thought that leaving the house alone early in the morning or at night was going to get me killed by him. he was way over protective.

"I take that as a yes," Dom said interrupting my thoughts.

"no, um…actually…I was going to walk to school with," Before I could finish that sentence, the front door opens and James walked in.

wow…for once he had good timing.

"James," I said finishing my sentence. "I was going to walk to school with James,"

Dom looked from me to James thinking if I was telling the truth of not. He knew that I hated that he was way over protective of me. Ever since mom died, and dad left for Iraq, he took over the role of super overprotective. Not saying that he wasn't overprotective before that happened, since he practically raised me at age eleven, but still, now he knows that he is the only adult influence in my life, he makes sure to be overprotective. It gets annoying, but, hey, he's Dom, what can I do?

"James, you were going to walk with Starr to school?" Dom asked him.

I saw James nod.

"yeah, Dom, I was," James answered him.

"ok, Dom, I will see you later," I said before grabbing James's wrist and walking out the front door. But before I could open it, Dom spoke.

"ok, James, I trust you to make sure Starr gets to and from school safely,"

"yeah, don't worry, the Madison Strangler wont get anywhere near her while I'm around," James said.

"that's not what I was talking about, I am talking about the teenage guys at school," Dom replied. "remember, I give you full permission to beat any of them up who even goes as far as thinking about Starr in a way that would make you mad,"

"yes, I remember that," James answered him.

"ok, good, just make sure you enforce it, if you get in trouble, just say my name and blame me," Dom replied. "even though I am not a student there anymore, principal Scott probably still has my file on hand because of all the stupid stunts I pulled back then,"

"will do," James said.

"ok, Dom, see you after school," I said as I opened the front door, walked out and quickly closed it behind us and I quickly walked down the small wheelchair ramp that replaced the front steps so Dom could get in and out easily. James followed.

"what was that?" he asked still confused as he followed me to the sidewalk.

"you know Dom, always worrying about me," I said as we continued to walk. "and speaking of worrying, why did you show up? we weren't planning on walking to school together?"

James stayed silent for a moment thinking about his answer.

"yeah, well, last minute I thought about walking with you," James said. "and I did read somewhere that the Madison Strangler did strike again last Friday,"

"ok, when do you ever read?" I asked him.

"ok, fine, I saw it on the news, but anyway, the Madison Strangler did strike again, and you are one of my really good friends," James told me.

"wow, you and Dom both worry way to much," I replied to James as we continued to walk.

"hey, I am just walking to school with a friend, how is that worrying way to much?" James asked me.

"your motives," I replied. "everyone is making a big deal out of the Madison Strangler, if you ask me, he sounds just a little bit to much like the Scranton Strangler from the Office,"

"I bet you ten bucks its Creed," James told me as we continued to walk.

I stopped walking and turned around to look at him.

"Creed?" I asked him. "do you honestly think its Creed?"

"yeah, the Scranton Strangler is totally Creed," James said before grabbing my wrist and we continued to walk.

"no, its totally Dwight," I argued back.

The Office was one of my all time favorite shows. It was hilarious, and Dwight is just awesome and James knew that.

"its not Dwight," James argued back to me.

"what proof do you have…" I started. I then realized what James was doing. He changed the subject to the Scranton Strangler from him and Dom being over protective of her when it comes to just about anything. "hold on a second,"

"what, I think it's a very reasonable conclusion that Creed is the Scranton Strangler," James said.

"you are not getting away so easy on this being over protective thing," I said to him.

"Relax Starr," James said. "I am just walking you to school, we go to the same school and I only live what, three blocks away, we usually walk to school together anyway, today we weren't because I know how much you hate Monday's and you usually like to walk to school on your own,"

"then what made this Monday different," I asked him.

"like I said, the Madison Strangler did strike again," James said. "you are one of my closest friends, I would not be happy if you were his next victim when I could have been here to protect you,"

"what are you going to do, spray your Cuda hair stuff in his eyes and make him go blind?" I asked him with a laugh.

James was always worrying about his appearance. He often called himself 'The Face' of Madison because apparently he was the best looking guy here. He always makes sure he has his Cuda man spray and Cuda Massive Hold with him along with his lucky comb. I just loved to tease him about that. its hilarious. He hated it though, which it what made it more fun for me.

"hey, don't joke about the Cuda," James said annoyed.

I just rolled my eyes after he said that and continued our walk to school.

There was never a dull moment when I was with James Diamond.

**A/N: yeah, this chapter sucks...i know... but the story will get better...**


	3. Freak Out, Let It Go

Chapter 2

_'I'm gonna live my life, I cant ever run and hide, I wont compromise cuz I'll never know, I'm gonna close my eyes, I cant watch the time go by, I wont keep it inside, freak out let it go, just freak out let it go' –Avril Lavigne, Freak Out, Under My Skin_

I walked up to my locker in the poorly lit school hallway. As soon as I got there, I quickly put in my combo, seven, eleven, thirty-five and opened the door revealing my nice neat locker complete with its shelf where my history, math and science book sit and the pictures I have on the inside door.

I quickly glanced to them and I could feel my heart break a little when I saw a picture of my dad and me. It was at my cousin's wedding when I was five, the summer before I started kindergarten and met James and Karly. My dad was holding me and he wore a nice fancy suit while I was dressed in gold dress and had my dirty blonde hair curled. To be honest, that was one of the only happy memories I had with my dad. The only time I was ever happy when I was around him. And that hurt, a lot.

Below that picture was one of me and my mom when she was alive. I didn't react the same as when I see the picture of my dad and I. Its not like my mom chose to never see me like my dad. It was impossible for her to see me.

And then the rest of the pictures in my locker were of me and Karly, me and Dom and me and James.

As I reached into my locker to grab my history book for first period, I heard a voice say:

"Hey, Starry B,"

I stopped and dropped my book to my side. Only one person called me Starry B, even though I couldn't stand being called Starry, honestly, who would want to be called 'Starry'? I still can't stand it to this day.

I then turned around and saw Karly standing a few feet away smiling. She had her curly brown hair in a loose side ponytail, (something she was famous for at Madison High) and wore a blue t-shirt that had a picture of a rock, a piece of paper, and a pair of scissors and said 'Can't we all be friends?' Karly always loved those tees and they were always hilarious. One time she had one that had a orange and a juicer and the orange was like 'you monster!' and one with a piece of bread with peanut butter and a piece of bread with jelly and it said 'best friends'

"Ok Karoline Leigh," I said. I knew Karly couldn't stand it when I called her by her full name. She absolutely HATED the name Karoline. That's why she went by Karly. Karoline just sounded so dull and boring to her. When we were younger, she always told me how awesome the name Starr was. It was pretty, unique and definitely not boring.

Karly tilted her head to the right and just looked at me annoyed.

"Ok, fine, hi Starr," she said.

"Hi Karly," I said back as I put my history book in my side bag.

"Ok, you are not going to guess what happened," Karly says really excited.

"Um… karma finally caught up with Naomi Bustamonte and she finally got hit by that bus," I said with fake enthusiasm.

As cruel as that sounded, it needed to happen soon. Naomi Bustamonte was the queen bee of Madison. Her father owned the car dealership here and one of her ancestors invented something that made her family rich for all of eternity as it seems. And being rich, of course made Naomi a bitch. She wont stop at anything to get what she wants. It's HIGHLY annoying. Especially since I have known her since second grade when her parents put her in public school after she got kicked out of private school. But how could anyone get kicked out of private school as an eight year old? That no one knows still, but ever since she came to public schools, she's become the queen bee and will take down anyone in her way. She has most of the guys at Madison High wrapped around her finger, they get lost in her deep ocean blue eyes and think that she is just a princess and act like its there job to serve her.

Naomi doesn't travel alone; she has two sidekicks, Sabrina Black and Kenzie Garrett.

Sabrina is by far the most vicious and she is a major flirt. She literally flirts with every guy at this school no matter what. Nothing will stop her. Not even if the guys have girlfriends. The guys of Madison High get lost in her brown eyes and flirty smile. They have no clue who she really is. Just like how they have no clue who the real Naomi Bustamonte is.

Kenzie Garrett, I actually feel really bad for her. She moved to Madison back in eighth grade and Sabrina and Naomi took her under their wing immediately. She didn't have a choice on if she wanted to hang out with them or not. She just kind of became one of them. Kenzie never said anything mean and it was obvious that Naomi and Sabrina are trying to control her. Whenever she was with Naomi and Sabrina and they were bullying someone or just being bitchy, Kenzie did try to say something. But they never listened to her.

I wanted to help Kenzie sometimes, I could see the pain she was in being 'one of them', but I couldn't help her. There was no way I could. She was in way too deep.

"Sadly, no," Karly said as she shook her head. "But that should happen sometime soon. Karma will eventually catch up with her, anyway, keep guessing,"

I stood there and crossed my arms and started the think. What could have happened that had Karly so excited?

"Mr. Davis got fired for robbing a bank?" I asked. God, I hated Mr. David, he was one boring science teacher.

Karly just laughed for a second before shaking her head.

"No, it's a hell of a lot better,"

"Um…Eminem is finally coming to Minnesota for a concert?" I asked.

Karly just loved Eminem. He was her favorite musician. She couldn't stop listening to him. He is pretty good, but I am not as into rap as Karly is. I prefer pop and rock. My favorite band is Evanescence. I have always loved them for as long as I can remember.

"No, but wouldn't that be awesome?" Karly asks still excited.

"I guess," I said. "What is so exciting that has you worked up about?"

"Come on Starr, keep on guessing," Karly says excited.

I closed my locker door and just leaned against it as I thought.

"Johnny and Lulu are getting back together on General Hospital," I asked.

"No, but that would also be awesome," Karly said enthusiastically. "Its better then Johnny and Lulu,"

I looked at her, she knew that I only thought one couple was better then General Hospital's Johnny and Lulu and that was One Tree Hill's Brooke and Lucas.

"One Tree Hill is bring Brooke and Lucas back together? There will be a Brucas reunion?" I asked excited.

"No," Karly said. "They can't, Lucas and Peyton left Tree Hill with their daughter Sawyer, and Brooke is with Julian,"

"Ok, then tell me what is better then Johnny and Lulu or Brooke and Lucas getting back together?" I asked her.

Karly smiled and handed me a piece of paper. I took it from her and looked at it before looking back at her and she continued to smile at me.

"Karls, your not serious, are you?" I asked her as I looked back at the paper.

"Yeah, I am," Karly replied.

I stared at the words on the paper, taking them in.

"no," I said. "I am not auditioning for our schools production of Camp Rock,"

"why not?" Karly asked me annoyed.

"for one thing, I can't stand Disney Channel," I told her as I handed the piece of paper back to her. "second thing is, why would the school choose Camp Rock out of all musicals possible, and third thing, what part would I even audition for,"

"Mitchie," Karly told me without hesitation.

"and she is?" I asked her trying to figure out who this 'Mitchie' person was in Camp Rock.

I had never seen it and I planned on never seeing it. I hated Disney Channel and anything to do with them, including Jonas Brothers and all those weird stars and I definitely wouldn't be caught dead auditioning for a part in it. I don't even act or sing a lot for that matter and out of all musical choices, our school chose Camp Rock, that was just sad.

"she is the person played by Demi Lovato," Karly told me. "and come on, Starr, you would do great,"

"in case you remember, I don't act," I reminded her.

"yeah, but you can sing," Karly said still trying to convince me.

"yeah, with a hairbrush as my microphone in my bedroom to Avril Lavigne music while I dance around like an idiot," I replied.

"last years talent show," Karly reminded me.

I took a deep breath and let it out as Karly reminded me of last years talent show. I wanted nothing to do with the talent show, but Karly convinced me to enter and perform Halo by Bethany Joy Galeotti (she plays Haley James Scott on One Tree Hill) after she heard me singing along with it on the radio one day. I literally wasn't going to go up on stage and do it, but Karly kind of blackmailed me into doing it.

"ok, so I sang a song in a talent show after you blackmailed me," I said. "but that doesn't mean I should do this,"

"Starr, your perfect for the role," Karly said begging me. "your pretty, and you can sing,"

"I am not doing it," I said as I started to walk away down the school hallway.

Karly followed me not giving up.

"come on Starr," Karly said as she followed me. "your perfect for the part, not to mention I heard that James is auditioning for the role of Shane Grey,"

"and who the hell is Shane Grey?" I asked Karly as I stopped walking.

"he is the one played by Joe Jonas," Karly answered.

"oh, gross," I said before I started walking again hoping Karly would get it that there was no way that I wanted to audition for the role of Mitchie in Camp Rock.

"Starr, Shane is the love interest of Mitchie," Karly said as continued to follow me.

"so, I would be playing opposite of my best guy friend who the character is interested in," I said not stopping. "even if its just acting, I am not going to pretend to be all interested in James,"

"oh come on, like you aren't interested already?" Karly asked.

I stopped and turned around.

"um…no, James is my friend, and just that, I have known him since kindergarten," I said. "I have never thought about him in that way,"

"really?" Karly asked as she crossed her arms. "you have never thought about being held in his strong muscular arms, looking into those chocolate brown eyes of his and kissing his soft lips,"

"no," I answered automatically as I shrugged my shoulders "but it really sounds like you have,"

"no, you know I like Kendall," Karly answered. "but you two, Starr, you and James are so cute together, and I don't just think that, Kendall does, and I have even talked to Carlos and Logan…"

"Karly, I don't like James like that," I interrupted her. "we are strictly just friends, and it is going to stay that way forever, not to mention how Dom would freak out, jock Ben Simmons is still practically stalking me and Dom is still on edge about this Madison Strangler,"

"Starr…" Karly started but I interrupted her again.

"no, please can we just drop this, I am not auditioning for the role of Mitchie in Camp Rock and I am definitely not dating James."

Karly just looked at me annoyed.

"Starr come on," Karly said as she crossed her arms.

"no," I said again.

Karly and I just stared each other down for a moment, seeing who would break first and it definitely wasn't going to be me.

"Ms. Buchanan, Ms. Tisdale," a voice boomed from down the hallway.

Karly and I instantly looked down the hallway to see our principal, Principal Scott walking towards us.

At that moment, I wanted to just go runaway, I hated Principal Scott. He has the weirdest mood swings. One minute, I'm fine, I was one of his favorite students, I was on the honor roll, I got good grades, and then the next minute, I am the little sister of the Dom, who got in trouble all the time and was always pulling stupid stunts and getting someone injured or in trouble. So, I always tried to avoid him as much as possible

Karly and I both knew better then to run from him. he would find us.

He made his way over to us with a boy my age right behind him with shaggy brown hair and a backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

"Ms. Tisdale, I need to speak to Ms. Buchanan alone," Principal Scott said to Karly as he walked over to us.

"certainly sir," Karly replied to him.

she then turned to me.

"Starr, at least consider it,"

she then walked off down the hallway to her first period class.

"is everything ok Principal Scott?" I asked him nervous.

"yes, Ms. Buchanan, everything is great," Principal Scott told me. "I need you to do me a favor,"

"if it involves anything Dom broke when he went to school here or something about getting him to help you with something, yeah, that's not going to happen," I replied just wanting to get away.

"no, it is nothing that involves your brother," Principal Scott told me. "I just need your help with something?"

"and what would that be?" I asked him nervous.

"Starr, this is Will Horton, he just transferred from Salem High School in Salem," Principal Scott told me. "and I have checked his schedule and has five out of the seven classes with you, and I was hoping you would show him around because I have a meeting to be at,"

normally, I would have refused right on the spot. Came up with a lame excuse like I have algebra homework I need to finish before school, or I need to go make sure that Carlos doesn't accidentally kill himself doing something stupid like he almost always does on a daily basis, but, I didn't want Principal Scott to have one of his mood swings and all of a sudden hate me because I am Dom's little sister. So, I went with it.

"Ms. Buchanan, can you do that for me?" Principal Scott asked again.

"um…yeah," I replied.

"ok, I will see you later Mr. Horton, remember to stop by my office at the end of the day," Principal Scott told him before walking away leaving me with him.

"um…sorry you're stuck showing me around," Will said to me as Principal Scott walked away. "I know you probably have better things to do then show the new kid around."

"its fine," I replied to Will. "It's a good excuse for why I am avoiding someone,"

"well, I'm Will, Will Horton," Will told me. "but you probably know that from what Principal Scott just told you,"

"well Will, I'm Starr, Starr Buchanan," I replied to him.

"Starr?" Will asked. "like twinkle twinkle little star?"

"yeah, my parents were hippies back in the seventies, it was either Starr LeAnn, Destiny Rae or Hope Alaine," I told him. "apparently, Starr seemed the most unique, so, I am stuck as Starr LeAnne Buchanan,"

"well, its nice to meet you Starr LeAnne Buchanan,"

**A/N: am i wasting my time?**


	4. Me Against The World

Chapter 3

_'you said don't try to change the world, you're just a girl, so its me against the world today, I'm doing it my own way and though nobody understands, I'm gonna make the one girl stand, its not independence day, I cant waste my time on what they say, if we believe it we have faith, we're gonna change the world someday,' –Superchick, Me Against The World, Regeneration_

So, for the rest of the fifteen minutes before school started, I just talked to Will and told him about Madison High. Normally, I wouldn't even give the new kid the time of day because they are almost ALWAYS the same here in Madison, either a rich kid who was spoiled and got whatever they wanted, a preppy bitch who only wore name brand clothing and if you didn't wear it, you weren't cool enough, or the big city kid who hated that their parents for making them move to Madison which is sort of out in the middle of nowhere in Minnesota. But Will, Will was different.

He came from Salem, which Salem, I don't know, what are they like thirty cities in the United States called Salem, so how do you narrow it down to just one? But most Salem's are big towns, and he seemed super happy to be here in Madison. But who in their right mind would be happy to be here in Madison? It's super-boring most of the time. Trust me, I have lived there my fifteen years of existence. Nothing interested happened, well, except for when my dad got shot and my mom was killed, that was like the only interesting thing that ever happened there. Well…if you would call that interesting, more like tragic. it's the only big thing that really happened in Madison. As in events, Madison is like Forks, minus the vampire and werewolves.

Wow…I cannot believe I just used a Twilight comparison. I can't even stand Twilight or the Twilight Saga.

But anyways, moving on from that, Madison is small compared to Salem is what I am trying to say.

Maybe he just needed change.

Will did have four classes out of the seven with me. We had third, fourth, fifth and sixth together, making that Math, Science, Language Arts and Viking Period. (Viking Period is a study hall, its called Viking Period because our school mascot is a viking), only classes I didn't have with him were PE, Health and Creative Writing. He didn't seem like the kind of person to take Creative Writing anyway.

I had PE second period with Karly. She was my only friend in that class, so we stuck together the whole period.

We were outside running the track when she asked me about Will and Principal Scott.

"so, what did Principal Scott want?" Karly asked me as we were running.

I took a breath before speaking focusing on my pace.

"the kid that was with him, he's new here, moved from Salem," I told her as we continued to run. "Principal Scott wanted me to show him around because we have five classes together,"

"any ones that we have together also?" Karly asked me.

"yeah, English," I told her.

"so what's his name?" Karly asked.

"who's?" I replied.

"the new kid, who else?"

I continued my pace in running as Karly slowed down to catch her breath.

"Starr, slow down," Karly said as she stopped running.

I turned around to see her stopped breathing heavily so I stopped running.

"come on Karls, Mr. Ford will get pissed that we aren't running," I told Karly before starting to jog again.

"Starr," Karly said in between breaths annoyed not moving from her spot.

I stopped again and turned to her as a few people jogged past us, including super jock Ben Simmons who was probably already on his eighth lap and we have only been out there for ten minutes.

"Karly, come on, I do not want to get yelled at by Mr. Ford," I said before grabbing her wrist and we kept on running.

"uh… PE is such a pointless class," Karly said annoyed as I continued to drag her along with me. "we shouldn't have to take it, it should be optional,"

"you say that everyday," I replied to Karly.

"only because its true," Karly said. "it should be optional, Mr. Ford runs us to death everyday, and it's not fun,"

"well, do you know one kid who goes to Madison High who is fat?" I asked her.

"does Naomi Bustamonte and Sabrina Black's ego count?" Karly asked as she took a deep breath and we continued our track run.

"no," I replied. "like physically?"

"no,"

"that's because we have PE and it's keeping us in shape, everyone's mile time is under ten minutes,"

"yeah, but some of us get exercise outside of school," Karly replied stubbornly.

"as much as I wished dancing around in your room like an idiot to rock music was exserize, it isn't,"

"says the cross country runner, the only reason we have PE year round now is because they cut the cross country program,"

"yeah, I know, don't get me started on that, I have been running and been on the cross country and track teams since seventh grade, can we talk about something else,"

"ok, so, what is the new kids name?"

I took another breath as I steadied my pace on the track before speaking.

"his name is Will, Will Horton,"

"and where did you say he was from?"

"Salem,"

"which one?"

"I don't know, there are like twenty of them,"

Karly then stopped running again and tried to regain her breath.

"Karls, come on," I said annoyed. "Mr. Ford will freak if we don't keep on running,"

Karly took in several deep breaths before speaking.

"screw Mr. Ford," Karly said spitefully as she caught her breath. "he is just a old man who bullies kids and makes them insecure about their bodies, he makes it sound like PE is the most important class we will ever have to take…"

"you said the same thing about the home-ec teacher," I replied with a laugh.

"hey, Ms. Davison is crazy," Karly said referring to the Home-ec teacher at our school.

She was right. Ms. Davison was crazy. And annoying. She always made me want to punch her. she literally did make it sound like home-ec was the most important class you would ever take in your entire life. She made us look at a drawing of a kitchen and circle all the fire and safety hazards.

Obviously a aerosol can near the open flame of the gas stove was going to explode.

"anyway, what I said about Mr. Ford is true, and he is just jealous that we have potential," Karly continued. "he may have screwed up so bad in life that he can only teach physical education to us, and he cant get a better job that involves a college degree, and he is jealous that we will actually get a good job and succeed in life,"

as Karly said that, I honestly couldn't help but laugh.

"oh come on Starr…"

"TISDALE, BUCHANAN, GET RUNNING," a loud voice boomed from across the track.

Stupid annoying Mr. Ford.

I grabbed Karly's wrist again and started to jog.

"one of these days, I am going to rebel," Karly said as I dragged her along with me. "I wont suit up, I will refuse to participate, I will just rebel, and if enough people do it, we can get it so we wont have to take PE, it wont be mandatory, it will be optional,"

I just laughed at Karly's plan.

"Starr…" Karly said annoyed.

"Karls, just drop it, is failing PE really worth that?" I asked her.

" if it means that I can get it as an optional class, then yeah," Karly said.

I just rolled my eyes as we continued to run.

"seriously, how can you not hate running?" Karly asked as I continued to drag her along behind me.

"because its fun, and I'm good at it," I replied.

"did you give it any thought?" Karly asked.

"give what any thought,"

"if you are going to audition or not?"

"Karly, we already had this talk, there is no way in hell I am auditioning for Camp Rock,"

as I said that, Ben Simmons passed us again, making him to have lapped us three or four times. He was a super athlete. He played football and basketball for Madison and was ALWAYS showing off to the girls who went to school here, mostly Karly and me. He was actually one of the only guys that didn't have a thing for Naomi Bustamonte, Sabrina Black and Kenzie Garrett. They were the queen bees here as I already told you about. But instead, he had a crush on me. Oh joy!

"Starr, I thought you said you would think about,"

"I never said that,"

"TISDALE, BUCHANAN, HURRY UP,"

I grabbed Karly's wrist again and started running faster.

Luckily, for the rest of PE she just complained about how much of a stupid class it was and she didn't bring up the musical or Will. It was just her ranting on about how much she hated Mr. Ford, the PE teacher and how he was jealous of us because we had a good future ahead of us where we would succeed in life and be successful where he was just stuck here in Madison teaching PE at the high school.

After hearing Karly go on about that for so long, it gets kind of annoying, but I just ignored it. She has probably heard me rant on about stuff like how my dad hasn't called or written to me in over a year, so it was like we were even. Sort of.

I had Math right after PE and Will was in that class with me, and since I was the only person he knew he sat by me. I didn't mind, he was really nice, and it was his first day, so I figured it was best if he steered clear of Ben Simmons, Naomi Bustamonte, and Sabrina Black. If he got in Ben's way on the first day, he was his target for the rest of the year. Ben was vicious and evil. It was part of his jock rep. To pick on the people lower on the food chain.

The food chain here is just like any other high school, at the top you have the jocks and cheerleaders, Ben and his posse. Then you have the mean girls who are rich and spoiled, Naomi Bustamonte, (the term I have for her is bubble headed bitch) next is her followers, Sabrina and Kenzie, then there is the nice popular girl, the one everyone likes because she is so nice, here, that is Jamee Shaw, she is sweet to everyone, that is probably why she got elected student body president. Then you have the smart people who are nice and getting scholarships. After them is the cool loser, which is the weird kid that everyone loves. In our case, that is Carlos Garcia. One of James's friends who is highly energetic and often very random. Then, you have the Goths, the emos, the punks, and the rebels. The ones who wear skulls and practically worship the devil. (But some don't, some just like the clothes), next after them are the wallflowers. The ones who just want to blend in and never be noticed. Then there is the nerd, who is usually like a child protégée or something, years younger then everyone else but just as smart or even smarter. And right after that is the Urkel, which is self explanatory (just think Steve Urkel). And then the loner.

Where Karly and I fit in on this? We don't. we have our own group and label that isn't well known yet. It's the originals. We don't pretend to be someone who we aren't. we are real, every detail about us. Nothing is fake. We don't lie to fit in. we would rather be hated for who we are then loved for who were not.

Anyway, Will just stuck with me in Math and also in science. Smart move.

Will and I have hung out in all the classes we had had together and talked, so I guess that would classify us 'friends.' So, when lunch came around, I brought Will to my usual table with Karly, James, Kendall and Carlos.

They were already sitting down and Carlos was rambling on about something that had to do with his lucky helmet and Karly was trying not to make it obvious that she was staring at Kendall, but it was, but not to him. sometimes I wondered if Kendall even knew how much Karly liked him. I thought it was pretty obvious.

I walked over to the table with my lunch sack and Will right behind me who still had his backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

"hey guys," I said as I stopped and stood by the table.

Karly looked up at me first and so did Carlos, Kendall, and James.

"guys, this is Will Horton, he just moved to Madison," I told them. "Will, this is Karly, Kendall, James and Carlos,"

I pointed to each of them as I said their names, Karly smiled and waved flirtatiously, (just like Karly always did when a cute guy was around) Kendall just nodded, Carlos did the same, but James, James just looked at him then back down at his piece of pizza.

"I hope you guys don't mind that I am sitting with you today," Will said as he took a seat. "but Principal Scott has Starr showing me around,"

"its fine," Karly said with a smile. "it's hard being the new kid in the middle of the year,"

"you have lived here all your life," Kendall responds to that. "and it's not the middle of the year,"

"I was talking about James," Karly replied to Kendall referring to back in kindergarten when he moved here from Florida and got pelted with snowballs with rocks. "it wasn't fun for him when to get attacked by the first graders who chucked snowballs at him with rocks in them back in kindergarten,"

"hey, I thought we all agreed to forget that even happened," James said annoyed looking up.

"oh come on," Karly said with a laugh as she tilted her head to the left. "its such a great story and it hilarious, James had to be saved by the tough girls from the big bad first graders"

James then looked to me annoyed.

"Starr, can you get her to shut up," James said annoyed.

I glanced to Karly.

"Karls," I said.

Karly sighed.

"fine, I wont pick on James today,"

"how about we don't pick on James any day," James responded to Karly.

"how about we don't talk about this now, because I think its creeping Will out," Kendall said speaking up and interrupting James and Karly's constant arguing.

Will shook his head in response to that.

"its fine, I have a brother and sister back in Salem who argue a lot more then that," Will responded.

"back in Salem, what are your parents like divorced?" Carlos asked speaking up for the first time since Will's arrival to our usual lunch table.

I looked to Carlos.

"Carlos, that's something personal," I told him. "you don't go around asking people that,"

"its fine," Will said. "my parents are divorced, I lived with my mom is Salem with my baby sister, Sydney, my dad lives up in New York, my mom is still living in Salem, I am staying with my uncle Rex here in Madison for a while,"

"why?" Carlos asked.

I looked at him annoyed. Sometimes he didn't understand that some stuff was personal and you didn't go around talking about it with everyone. Like how I rarely talked about my dad, and when I did, it was either to James or Karly. Sometimes, Carlos just doesn't get common sense and stuff like that. Kendall has a theory he was either dropped a lot as a baby or his mom inhaled a lot of paint when she was pregnant.

I don't think either of them happened, I think it's just a natural thing for him.

"um…Salem is a boring," Will said answering Carlos's question. "and me and my mom…we weren't getting along perfectly since my sister has been born, so Uncle Rex offered for me to come stay with him for a while,"

I looked at Will. As he said that, he showed no emotion at all and mostly stared down at the lunch table. He was hiding something.

"which Salem?" Karly asked speaking up and trying to change the subject. "there are like twenty in our country, Salem Oregon. Salem Indiana, Salem Illinois, Salem Iowa, Salem Arkansas, Salem Ohio…"

"Karly," I said getting her attention to stop her rambling.

I then glanced to James who was just staring at his piece of pizza. He hasn't said anything since Will came to our table.

"James, is everything ok?" I asked him

James then glanced to Will who was in the middle of a conversation with Karly about which Salem he was from and then back to me.

"yeah, I'm fine," he responded. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night,"

I looked at James trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. There was something off about the way he was acting. This morning he was perfectly fine acting like his normal 'James' self, being over protective of me, obsessing over his appearance, and his lucky comb. now he was just being quiet ever since I brought Will to hang out with us.

Oh well, maybe it was nothing. What did I have to worry about anyway. We were _just_ friends.


	5. Mockingbird

Chapter 4

'Hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be all right, stiffen that upper lip little lady, daddies here to hold you through the night, and I know mommies not here right now and we don't know why, we feel how we feel inside, it may seem a little crazy, pretty baby, but I promise, momma's gonna be alright,' –Eminem, Mockingbird, Curtain Call: The Hits.

The rest of the school day went by slowly and boringly. Just like any school day would be. Honestly, who could expect it to go any better, in our Language Arts class, Mr. Fitz talked to us about a new assignment. A Social Justice thing where we are supposed research a certain trial that caused controversy and do a report on it.

Karly just complained about how lame it was the whole class had to research some trial, because apparently, we were never going to need to use this sometime in real life. But honestly for me, I found it really interesting. Growing up with my dad as a cop, I used to love all those crime scene shows. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI NY, Bones, NCIS, I even watched that one show Crossing Jordan, it was about a medical examiner in Boston and that was honestly my favorite. So this project seemed pretty cool to me.

Mr. Fitz loved assigning us partners for projects and stuff. He absolutely never let us choose. It sucked.

So, Karly was lucky enough to be assigned with Sabrina Black. I felt so bad for her. Sabrina was Naomi Bustamonte's sidekick and she was a control freak. Karly would end up doing all the work and Sabrina would get all the credit.

I also felt really bad for Will. He was assigned Ben Simmons. The super jock of Madison High. Yeah, since Will was the new kid, Ben would definitely pick on him. he picked on everyone who wasn't considered popular. Like James, Carlos and Kendall's other friend Logan, he was super smart and loved school and math and all that stuff, and Ben would pick on him all the time whenever he had a chance. I don't at all see what he sees in making others lives miserable. there is no fun in it and its just plain mean.

Anyway, Mr. Fitz assigned James to be my partner for the project. I didn't mind, as long as I wasn't with Naomi or Sabrina and James was a really good friend of mine. It would be hopefully easy to work on the project, but last time I worked on James for a project was last year in history when we had to do a huge report on someone famous in American History, that included a long biography essay and an essay on their importance in American History then a power point slideshow. Our project was on George Washington Carver. We didn't get to choose the person, we were assigned them.

Needless to say, I did most of the work on that project while James just sat around either sleeping, eating, or rambling on about his lucky comb. Of course we got an A on that project because James didn't do any of the work.

But as we walked out of Language Arts, I made sure to let James know, he was going to do some of the work this time.

"what are you talking about?" he asked me confused. "I did a lot of work on that George Washington project,"

"if you did, then you would know it was George Washington Carver the project was on," I replied as we walked down the school hallway.

"you mean the guy who invented the peanut?" James said confused.

"yes, that guy," I replied annoyed.

"are you sure the project was on him?" James asked me. "because I remember wooden teeth and all that stuff,"

"yes, I am sure because I wrote the essay and the biography and made the power point slideshow," I replied.

"oh, I could have sworn it was on that other guy with nearly the same name that founded Washington State," James replied.

I didn't reply telling him George Washington wasn't the founder of Washington State, that it was named after him instead even though he should know that by now, I just didn't feel like breaking the news to him. I had better things to do.

"ok, we are either doing the West Memphis 3 or Jena 6 case, which one do you want to do?" I asked him.

"which one was which?" James asked. "is the Jena 6 the one about the dude who killed all the people by injecting them with that stuff,"

I looked at James annoyed. He obviously didn't pay attention in class again. Mr. Fitz went over thirty different famous cases that we could do and told us all about them.

I signed and took a deep breath before speaking.

"ok, I got to get to Viking Period, just meet me at my place after school and we can go over some ideas and stuff," I told him before walking off down the hallway to get to my sixth period class.

So, after the school day ended, I walked home planning on meeting James there at my place to work on the project. I was happy James wasn't practically stalking me because of that stupid Madison Strangler killer person.

I walked down the streets a few blocks from my house in my neighborhood. As I walked I hummed Halo by Bethany Joy Galeotti. It was my favorite song at the time. I just loved Bethany Joy Galeotti (or as she is known on One Tree Hill, Haley James Scott) she had an amazing voice that was unbelievable and she totally showed it on One Tree Hill.

I finally got to the end of my driveway by the time I hummed and sang that song in my head a third time. When I got there I walked over to the mailbox and routinely opened it and pulled out the mail before closing it. My next issue of Glamour Magazine should be in the mail today and it had an article in this issue on twenty new fashions under fifteen dollars each, I was flipping through the bills and crap for Dom when I came across a small envelope with my name and address scribbled on it in a all to familiar handwriting.

I stopped walking as I saw it and instantly recognized it as my fathers. I just stared at it making sure my eyes were sending the right signals to my brain on what they words said. But on it, Starr Buchanan, 2434 Layton Lane, Madison Minnesota was written there clear as day.

At that moment, all that went through my head was 'why' and 'how'

My father hadn't spoken to me in over a year. I didn't even expect him to try to contact me at all, he didn't even call, email or write to me for my fifteenth birthday last year. I had officially written him off not expecting anything. He was too focused on trying to make it up to Dom being in a wheelchair when he had nothing to do with it. He was too focused on forgetting that I even existed because I look so much like my mom. What was up with the random letter in the mail?

So, to answer my questions on why that letter was there in the mail, I quickly walked to the front door and shoved my house key in the lock and unlocked it before stepping inside and closing the door. I stepped into the kitchen and put my bag down and the rest of the mail and leaned against the counter and just stared at the letter in my hands.

Dom was at work, he wouldn't be home for a few hours. Even though he is paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair, Dom still worked. He just didn't have a job that involved absolute use of his legs. He worked in Granite Falls at a box company. Yeah, a box company. They manufactior cardboard for boxes and other cardboard type things. He just sat behind a desk all day in a small cubicle. He hated it, but it was one of the only jobs he was qualified to do.

The envelope in my hands, it was silently screaming my name. As much as I wanted to throw it out or tear it to shreds, I couldn't. my brain told me I didn't want to read. I wanted to tear it up or throw it away, but my heart told me to open it. Its from dad! Maybe he still cared!

But I didn't want to get my hopes up. maybe it was just a letter telling me everything that I had expected, dad couldn't stand to look at me because I looked to much like mom. That I am to much of a reminder of who he got killed.

I had no idea what to do. Open the envelope and read everything that I have known for years and just make it that more real, or throw it out and never know what my dad thought about me.

My heart and brain just argued with each other about it. Telling me to open it, telling me to throw it out, telling me to read it, telling me to shred it to pieces and eat it.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock at the front door. In response, I took a deep breath and let it out before putting the envelope down. Hopefully this social justice project would keep my mind of it, or at least James trying to procrastinate would.

I walked over to the front door out of the kitchen and opened it. And sure as I was, it was James. The two of us spent two and a half hours researching possible cases and trials for it to be on (well, more like me researching and asking James what he thought while he paid no attention and just spaced out). Everyone I suggested, James turned down because it wasn't 'cool' enough. How a trial could be cool was beyond me.

"ok, we really need to choose one," I told James as I stared at my laptop screen at the kitchen table while he just sat next to me doing nothing. "so, West Memphis Three, Jena Six, Megan Meier, that one guy who was behind 9-11…"

"which one was which again?" James asked looking up.

this was like the third time James had asked me to explain the cases and which one was which. Needless to say, I was getting VERY annoyed.

"West Memphis Three, that is about three guys in Memphis who were convicted of murder with questionable evidence, the trial was quick and speedy, later with new technology in DNA testing, it is proven that all three guys are not responsible for the crime and they still are sitting in prison and one is on death row and will die if there isn't a retrial," I explained to James.

"ok, Jena six," James said leaning back in his chair.

"Jena six was the one at a school in Jena, Louisiana, there is a tree in front of the school where everyone cool hangs out, one day a black kid went and hung out there, the next day he went to hang out there and a knoose was hanging from a branch, he then got five of his friends that were also black and beat up the kid who put the noose up to the point of hospitalization,"

"ok, what about that Megan something one," James asked me.

"thirteen year old girl who had a myspace, a family friend who lived down the street created a fake myspace just so she could befriend Megan and then bully her. after receiving a nasty message saying that the world would be a better place without her, Megan commited suicide,"

"which one do you want to do?" James asked me as he leaned forward.

I thought about it for a moment. The Megan Meier case really seemed like something that I could write a good report on, but the Jena Six also seemed super interesting, and so did the West Memphis Three. At least James let me choose since I would be doing practically all the work.

"ok, lets just do the West Memphis Three," I told him. "it seems interesting enough, we need to evaluate the case and see if justice is being served, we have then to write an essay and create a powerpoint presentation,"

I then closed my laptop and took a deep breath. I was obviously bored with researching controversial cases that either represented justice or injustice.

"ok, West Memphis Three then," James said.

I then noticed he was looking at me.

"is something wrong?" he asked me.

"what do you mean?" I asked James as I scooted my laptop away from me on the table.

"you just seem really distant," James said to me leaning forward. "is everything ok,"

truth was, during the whole time I was looking up cases, I couldn't stop thinking about the letter sitting on my counter, it was still silently screaming my name. Yelling for me to open it and read it. Yelling for me to finally know what my dad thought about me. But, I wasn't going to tell James that. since he is overprotective, God only knows what he will say or do. He could be supportive like the really good friend he has been, or he could tell me that my father has caused me to much pain in the past year and a half and tell me to throw it out.

But right now, I didn't want to tell James about it. I didn't want to tell anybody, I just wanted figure it out on my own. So, I lied.

"yeah, I'm fine, I'm just really tired," I told him lying through my teeth. "I hate Monday's, you know they aren't my best day of the week,"

James just nodded,

"well, I am going to head out," James said. "Shane doesn't have soccer practice tonight and my mom is having a family dinner so of course, I have to be there,"

James then stood up and grabbed his backpack off the back of the chair.

"I will see you tomorrow," James told me before walking out of the kitchen.

"see you tomorrow," I said under my breath as soon as he was gone.

I then took in another deep breath then let it out before standing up and putting my hand on the back of my head and running my fingers through my dirty blonde hair and started pacing the kitchen. I stopped walking right where I left the envelope on the counter and learned forward starring at it again.

I picked it up and stared at it in my hands. my brain just taken in the details of my fathers handwriting on it. I flipped it over and just held it in my hands. I have no idea how long I was staring at it for when I heard Dom's voice.

"Starr, I'm home,"

I quickly put the envelope down again and shoved it inbetween the pages of my ABC Soaps In Depth that came in the mail today also. I hid it just in time for Dom to wheel himself into the kitchen.

"what was James doing here?" Dom asked me.

I walked over to the kitchen table and grabbed my laptop before I answered him.

"we have this project for school on social justice," I told him. "we have to do a report on a famous known case,"

"ok, how is that going?" Dom asked.

"so far ok," I answered him. "but I am super tired, I think I am going to go lie down before I start dinner,"

I then walked back to the counter and grabbed my ABC Soaps In Depth before I walked out of the kitchen and toward the stairs.

Dom hated that we had a second story to the house, he also hated that my room was on the second floor. Because of him being confined in a wheelchair and all. He claims that he doesn't feel he can protect his 'baby' sister, but I didn't want to move, that was the house I grew up in. well, the house I grew up in without mom after she died. So basically five years there, but still, in that house was where I learned to play the piano, the house where Karly and I had our first girls only slumber party, where I saw my first scary movie. This house just had too many memories. So, Dom gave in on insisting on moving to a one story house. But he still wasn't happy about, I honestly don't think anything could make him happy about that.

As soon as I walked into my bright turquoise room plastered with Evanescence and Paramore posters, I put my laptop down on my desk before walking over to me bed and dropping the ABC Soaps In Depth magazine on the end and lying down on my stomach at the end of my bed and grabbing the magazine. I then took the letter out of it and stared at the envelope still wondering what I should do.

But, after about three minutes, I found myself tearing it open and yanking the piece of paper out and unfolding it. I then took a deep breath before I started reading it:

Dear Starr,

As I write this letter to you, my only daughter, I can not stop thinking about the time on your six birthday when you slipped off the back porch and scraped your knee on that one rock, to keep your mind off of it as I cleaned the wound, I told you the story of when I was home in Montana and visiting the old prison museum and I was told the story about the inmate who was being transferred there and had the officer bringing him in stop at a gas station so he could use the bathroom and when he did, he got a gun his girlfriend stashed there for him and brought it back to the car and had the officer drive past the prison, and the people working there expected him to come and noticed the car right by, so they called for backup and when they cornered the inmate, he tried to shoot the officer with him, but couldn't because the gun was all rusty and old and the trigger even came off when he was pressing it down with his finger so hard.

The other day, instead of being out on the front line, my unit was staying by a small town and a suicide bomb went off. I went into the wreckage of their religious center looking for survivers and under some rubble, I found a little girl about six or seven and she reminded me so much of you, her name was Nadia and she had an injured leg, when I got here out, I took her to the nearest place for medical attention. She was in a lot of pain so to help her be distracted from the pain of her leg and the doctor looked at it, I told her the story I told you.

Each day over here is getting worse, there is no way anyone can help this place, the suicide bombers don't care if they hurt women or children in there bombings, they just care that at least someone dies or gets injured.

Meeting little Nadia made me miss you so much Starr, you and your brother. I miss my little Shining Starr or Estrella as your mother used to say.

Starr, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. You need to know that I care,

Take care,

Dad

As soon as I was done reading the letter and taking in every word, I could not hold the tears in. they just poured from my blue eyes and there was no way they could be held in.

I always hated crying. I tried no to cry as much as possible because whenever I did cry, I could always hear my mothers voice in my ear, telling me 'tears are words the heart can say,' I heard those words loud and clear just like the day of her funeral.

He called me Estrella, just like my mother always did. She grew up in a Spanish speaking home since she was adopted and Estrella is a Spanish name for Starr. As long as I can remember, she has called me that, along with Mija. I have no idea why, but it always calmed me down. But, ever since she died, I have never been called that, and I didn't want anyone too.

It hurt way to much, just like reading that letter did.

It has been over a year since he has written to me, or skyped me, or tried any source of contact, and out of the blue, I get this letter from him telling me about how this little girl reminded him of me. I looked back over the letter and reread the words 'you need to know that I care,' I took notice that he didn't say love. Only care.

I wasn't loved by him, and I never would be.


End file.
